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Reality, party of two, your table is ready

April 27, 2006

So I totally had a major freak out today. It started with me waking up in a foul mood because my first day back from vacation required me to be at work at 6:30 this morning. 6:30 people! That is completely and totally inhumane and I have no idea how I managed those kinds of hours for the past 8 years of my working life. I really don’t. Typically, the only time that I am up that early, aside from being required to be at work, is when I am headed to the airport. Anyway. Realizing that my mom wasn’t here to make me breakfast was rather upsetting as well. Gee, you’d think I was 16 again with that statement.

After forcing myself awake and driving into the glaring sun to work, the little one started kicking away again. She’s pretty much on the go 24/7 these days and she knows exactly where I am most ticklish, since she likes to stick her toes there constantly. So all day long, as I worked, I talked to my belly. I’m pretty sure that my coworkers are convinced that I have lost it. That’s fine if they want to believe that, since maybe then they’ll leave me alone so I can get my work done.

Then I rushed home and threw together something that moderately resembles a paper on e-commerce and legal issues and went to class. One of the ladies on my team had brought me a gift. She said it was all I would need to clothe my baby this summer. It was a pack of onesies and some diapers.

Let me just tell you how much I love the smell of new diapers. And that’s when it hit me…there’s no turning back. In 2 months, I’ll be a mom. Yikes. Part of me just wishes I could stay pregnant. I’m kinda liking that part. Aside from the hot, sleepless nights, I’ve been handling that part pretty well, even for a wuss like me. But I know that’s not possible. And once I realized that, I started freaking out. I’m not ready. I’m just not. I haven’t found a pediatrician, a day care, or even decided how much maternity leave I can afford to take other than what I’m given. Sure, I may have all the stuff ready to go, the crib, stroller, bottles, clothes…but the important stuff? I haven’t even begun. Yet with all of the to-do lists I keep making for myself, I can’t help but feel that I may never feel ready, even after she’s laying in my arms staring up at me.

So I solicit advice from those moms out there that read my blog…how did you cope when the reality of your first born (or any born, for that matter) set in?


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