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The ups and downs are wearing on me

May 14, 2010

Yesterday was a rough day. As some of you may know, my dad suffers from bipolar disorder. His lows are pretty bad. As in, he will disappear for days at a time after saying things like, “I’m done,” which leaves us wondering if that was a suicide comment or if he’s just out cooling off and will be back.

It’s draining.

What makes it worse is that my mom exacerbates the situation by yelling at him as though he can just snap out of it. It’s bad enough that she treats me and my siblings like children; it’s worse that she does it to my dad as well.

The only person that heard from my dad at all yesterday was my brother, who managed to get him to answer his phone in the morning. He still didn’t come home until well over 24 hours after he left.

This is hard on me. I hate being around when the energy at the house is so negative. I feel so helpless in trying to make things better. I try to comfort my mom, and she can’t be comforted. I try to comfort my dad and he gets upset with me. I feel, sometimes, like I can’t win.

I climbed into bed last night, feeling totally lonely and isolated and cried myself to sleep.

Here’s hoping for some good days in the future.

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One Comment
  1. mary permalink
    May 15, 2010 4:29 pm

    Eunice

    I know it must be hard for you to have to be in that place when things are not going well. Please remeber that you need to take care of you and your little one. I know that it’s hard on you and your family when a loved one is sick. I have been there and am there right now. With mom getting sick in “high school” and myself now. From a person that can look back and see how hard it was on my family when I got really sick. And was not on any mads at the time. I don’t know how my family put up with me. Even now if I get meds all mest up on the weekends it’s hard for me the next week. So what I’m trying to say is that
    One make sure you are taking care of you
    two you can’t change what is going on
    Three when everyone in the house is a bit better maybe it would be a good time to have a family talk.
    Four Know that I’m praying for you and your family

    You know were I am :)

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