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5 years later…

April 12, 2010

Yesterday was my 5 year divorce-ary. On the one hand, I can’t believe it’s already been that long. I’ve now been divorced for longer than I was married.

I still have hard days. A lot of hard days, if I’m to be perfectly honest. I still keep up with my ex through the articles he writes for a publication in Seattle, mostly because I love his writing; he’s very talented and I’m happy that he kept up with it. I don’t really give a shit how his life is going otherwise. Unfortunately, it means that I have to suck it up when I read comments like “my wife and I…” I guess it still bothers me that things worked out with the two of them (even though they are really right for one another).

I don’t know — I guess there’s some level of fairness that I expected out of all of this — to see their indiscretions blow up in their face at some point. But it hasn’t. And I need to let that go.

I wasn’t happy, so I don’t know how fair it is for me to be mad about everything, after all.

But I still have hard days. They are much fewer and farther between, but when they sneak up on me, like they did yesterday and a few months ago, they really get the best of me. And I get angry, hurt, and sad all over again. Fair? Probably not. But really, I think I still have a lot of healing to do. But I’m getting there.

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