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I have the world’s most dense ex-boyfriend

June 8, 2009

Some of you may know that I dated a guy for the better part of a year and a half, less a couple of short break-ups after two major feuds. We broke up over Christmas because my timing is always bad. A few weeks later, he blamed the failure of our relationship on the fact that I never gave it 100%. I completely agreed and reiterated why (which he also knew going into the relationship). He asked, er, begged me to try giving it my all and if it still failed, he would let me go.

So I agreed.

I couldn’t.

I did what I thought “giving it my all” entailed: I stayed at his place every night (but refused to give up my apartment, just in case), I broke up with the guy I was dating between New Year’s and this point (which was good timing because he was getting too attached too fast), I let him take care of me and my daughter and acted like a family. I hated every minute of it, so I left.

I wasn’t real great about it — I went to my best friend’s house and drank for most of the day, then called “home” and said I was staying at my place that night, had a friend bring Alissa to me, and with a mean hangover, moved all of my stuff out while he was at work the next day and left nothing but a note and the key. Pretty shitty. He was mad, but he still didn’t get it.

Spring came along, and with it, the requisite snow storms and he invited us to stay at his house in the event of a blizzard so I didn’t go stir crazy in my claustrophobic apartment. Reluctantly, I agreed.

The afternoon & evening were okay, but night fell and it was awkward. Did he expect me to stay in his room? Should I sleep in the ridiculously uncomfortable bed with Alissa? If I slept in the guest room in the comfortable bed, would he say anything? I stood in the hall like Ross at the end of Season 3 wondering which door to go into.

I ended up going in his room, for sake of comfort, and that seems to be my fatal mistake since the breakup. Things happened and he hasn’t let go of the idea of us since.

What I find most amusing is that he keeps getting upset that he’s being excluded from my life. He wasn’t invited to join in on my birthday celebration, I didn’t tell him I was leaving for Arizona until I was on my way back with the first round of my stuff, and every time he tries to make plans with me, I blow him off. I told him to find a date for the Great American Beerfest. Does he not get that we’re not ever going to be an item?

One of my last trips to Denver, I went on my own and agreed to have dinner with him. My plan was to lay it all out in plain English. Except I couldn’t get a word in edgewise amongst all the “I love you’s” and “we’re so great together’s”. No. We’re not. 5 hours later and somehow there’s still an ember smoldering.

So I decide to try again the night before I leave town. I laid out all that was not right about the relationship and got stuck with him promising to change and then essentially begging to go to church with me the next morning. If you want to find God, great, but don’t do it because of me. P.S. People don’t change.

In the past month, he has tried to find me a job, then tried to get himself a new job so I can have his (we worked together briefly and his boss & coworkers love me), tried to get a new windshield & tires for my dad’s truck, he stopped working 24/7, he finally went to the doctor as I had been begging, is losing weight (not that I ever cared or said anything), and tried to buy me a house (this feat would have been possible under the lending rules of three or four years ago).

In all of this, he refuses to hear, “dude, I’m just not that into you.”

I seriously don’t know what it is that I’m saying or doing that is leading him on. Yet every time I try to be up front with him, he accuses me of using him. When I want to be flat out bitchy, it’s always after some event that would appear I’m using him, even though that’s not the case.

I swear, being dumped is so much less work than dumping someone else.


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