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I am still a mess

May 8, 2008

Right now, I am procrastinating on finishing the last of the homework for my last class. It’s been so hard to focus on anything the past couple of days. Work, school, Alissa (who, poor thing, has a fever of 102 the other night)…

I was in bed at 7:15 last night. I didn’t feel like doing anything (not that I have much to do as my computer, TV and all my stuff still remains in storage), so I went to bed. I had awful nightmares and woke up this morning feeling a little less hopeful that the dude and I will work out. I still don’t know.

I think the uneasiness comes from not having any clue how he is feeling or what he is thinking. He just said that he needed time away from us to understand our relationship. He didn’t know how much time yet. But the waiting is pure torture. The resisting calling him just to talk is even worse. I promised to respect his wishes, but I just feel like if we could talk, we could get on the same page, and even if that meant parting ways, I could deal with that better then than now.

Plus my mind is filled with all of the “what was said’s?” from the conversations that he had with my former roommate. I know for a fact that the subject of Dale came up and she said some pretty stupid things, which probably fueled his fear of getting involved with me (thanks to some demons from his past). Who knows what else was said that could have caused issue?

So today, I’m just hoping to talk. To get in his head, to understand what might happen.

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