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My love life is a tennis match

January 21, 2008

Set. Point. Match.

Okay, we haven’t quite made it that far yet. We’re still Love-15 or something like that. My feelings for this man I’ve met go so widely back and forth that I’m not sure if I’m out of bounds or on the line.

Last weekend, I was so totally smitten that I could see myself falling — falling deeply, passionately in love with this man. Our life together flowed, we meshed, we were out in public like a family. We were at home like a family. It was awesome.

This weekend, I was on the opposite end of the spectrum. We went to a movie, then to dinner, and as we sat and talked, our age gap really shone through the conversation. The more he talked about the future, the more it had to do with how he wanted to finish his career and where he wanted to live and the things he wanted to do with his life. I realized that not one thing he said included me or Alissa, and it hurt. I doubt that it was intentional, but it just made me think that he had thought less about how we fit into that picture than he talks about when he shares some of the daydreams he has about me. I was in such a funk on Saturday morning that I shut myself off from the world and hid out at the Downtown Aquarium (for the record, so not worth the $14 price tag) to clear my head. It didn’t work, but I felt immensely better when he called yesterday worried that he hadn’t heard from me all weekend.

Today, we went to lunch together and talked, and he made a comment that showed how much he cares and how committed he is to us (at least in the present), and so now I’m kinda befuddled. He’s still very much in that temporary holding pattern — “let’s just enjoy this for what it is now, but I see this potential, I just don’t know if it’s realistic,” and I’m more on the, “if this isn’t going to last much longer, let’s just stop wasting time,” page. I just don’t know which is the right answer.


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