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January 8, 2008

I am too nice. I am such a giving person that oftentimes, I put me last on my list. Wait, I always put me last. I tend to feel guilty if I don’t.

I am ridiculously exhausted today. Despite the strong desire to avoid all of the drama going on around me, I still spent all night Sunday and all day yesterday on the phone with my roommate’s relatives and legal authorities, trying to take care of my roommate. I spent four hours at the jail, waiting for her to be released, only to be continually told that the system was behind. When I finally lost all patience, I went home.

Did I rest? No. I worked on a project for a coworker that I promised I would try to get done by today. I didn’t finish it, and apologized profusely when it wasn’t even close to being done this morning.

I was supposed to help another coworker with a project yesterday morning, and even though he’s the one that stood me up, I still felt bad that it didn’t get done.

I still went back to get my roommate last night –trekking through the snow storm that rolled in since the morning — and then spent even more time today counseling her on how to deal with the situation, which continues to be harrowing for her.

I went to the dentist today, and as I described to her the sensitivity I had with my teeth lately, she explained that even that could be a result of stress. I guess it has something to do with unconsciously grinding or clenching your teeth.

I find myself so incredibly annoyed by people walking all over me. And yet I continue to enable them.

So I guess if there is one true resolution I could make for the new year, it’s to stop being such a damn pushover and start putting myself first on occasion. And not to feel badly about it when I do.


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