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I don’t want to if you don’t want to

September 16, 2007

As much as I would love to keep bitching about my visit to Flagstaff and how I doubt I’ll survive the next 6 weeks, I need to let go of some of that negative energy for the moment. So instead, I’ll fill you in on Mr. “you have a one-year-old” that I have been dating for over a month now.

I still can’t believe it’s been over a month, after getting what I thought was the royal flush three days after our first date. Instead, it’s been — well, interesting. I’ve hit this major dilemma in that I’m not sure that I should continue on and see what happens with this relationship. We have a few major complications to the situation that highlight asking the question, “is this going to go anywhere?” a lot sooner.

The future I see is this: I see a really great long-term romance. I can’t say if that’s 5, 10, or 20 years from now, but I do see it ending at some point. He sees himself falling in love with me, and speaks constantly of the future in decades from now. He definitely sees more of a future than I do, and that’s okay. Is it worth jumping in if it lasts for a while, even if it’s not forever?

Our biggest challenge is Alissa. He’s not a kid person, has no kids, no nieces or nephews, or is around kids Alissa’s age all that often. He’s great with her when she’s great, but he’s not so great when she gets moody. Plus I’ve noticed that she’s already learned to play the “I’m not getting my way with mommy, let’s see if you’ll crack” game. My bigger issue is that because of the fact that her dad is not a part of her life, I don’t want her to get attached and then have him be gone. I don’t need to exacerbate her abandonment issues.

The other challenge is that we have quite an age gap. The only time that either of us spends time thinking about it is when we aren’t together and have all the time in the world to think about it. When we’re together, we seem to meet somewhere in the middle and you wouldn’t even know that it’s a real issue. But I also know that it will more than likely be a problem when if I ever tell my parents about him.

We have a lot of fun together, and the attraction is undeniable. We managed to deal with a heapful of drama from his ex and his so-called ‘friends’ for about 2 weeks (I was so proud of myself for just laughing and not being bothered in the least by all of it — boy have I grown!). There are a few other issues that I can’t mention, but we just spent three weeks living together and still started to miss each other before I was even over the first pass (I have to be honest with the world that the “friends” I have been staying with was him, even though my family thinks I was staying with other friends until I moved). Does that amount to anything? I’m still not sure.

I think while I’m gone, aside from recharging and waiting for my new job to start, I really need to assess what I want to see with this relationship. It has all the potential of being something really great — if we can deal with all of the complications.

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