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And so it begins

August 13, 2007

You guys would be so proud of me. I went on a date on Friday night. A date! An actual, “hey I’m interested in you, may I take you to dinner?” date. And even though this man is someone that I more than likely would have said no to in the past (actually, when a mutual friend wanted to set us up a couple of years ago, I believe that I pulled my usual, “uh, not a chance in hell because of all these reasons which really are quite shallow.”), the past being any time before last week, I decided what the hell and went.

Our paths actually crossed by chance a couple of weeks ago and while I didn’t remember the previous attempt at a fix up until he said something the other night, we had this instant attraction and just clicked. So when he asked me out, I didn’t hesitate. I went. And we had a great time.

And then today it happened — I got the call where he said he has “no parental skills,” to which I responded that I didn’t expect him to have any. Then it was, “If she was like 5, maybe I could deal with it,” to which I said, “no one is asking you to spend time with her if it makes you uncomfortable.” Then the, “well, I had a nice time, but we’ll see what happens in the future.” My response was that I didn’t read anything more into the date than a really great night, and I was expecting nothing more than that. Maybe this would go somewhere, and maybe it wouldn’t, but not to go running ahead of ourselves just yet. And then irritated, I got off the phone.

Heartbroken? No. A little sad? Yes. Not because I saw any long-term potential here (maybe just a little companionship for a while), but because I realize that this is more than likely going to be the routine for some time — before I can find the guy that is “going to love Alissa as his daughter” I have to first find the guy that can accept her as part of who I am, regardless of how much he digs me alone.

I know he’s out there, I do. I just need to keep thinking like I did when I agreed to this date (oh what the hell, I’ll see) and I’ll find him, one way or another.

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