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Notice to my fellow daycare parents

December 9, 2006

1. We all have infants. That’s why our kids are in the same class. It’s not that big a coincidence that we all use the same brands of stuff. That’s why we put our kids’ names on it. It’s inevitable that a mix-up will occur from time to time and my kid’s stuff will be sent home with you. Should you happen to get something sent home that doesn’t belong to you, that doesn’t mean you get to keep it. Kindly bring it back. Otherwise, if you continue this behavior, my kid won’t have anything to drink out of and her hungry cries will keep your kid awake.

2. My child is not destined for space camp and yours isn’t destined for the short bus. Yes, I know that they are only 10 days apart in age, but just because my child is crawling and yours won’t even roll over doesn’t mean anything. Yours might learn potty training in a week. Last I checked, this is an ongoing process throughout their lives. That’s how rocket scientists become rocket scientists – because not everyone learns math as fast as they do. If we all learned the same things the same way, we’d all be rocket scientists…or Anna Nicole Smith. Either way, what fun would that be?

3. It’s one thing to be aware of things such as SIDS risk and do what you can to prevent it, but it’s another thing to be completely over-the-top-pain-in-the-ass about it. Your baby does not need to be changed into a special outfit for a 20-minute nap. Dress her more warmly if you are opposed to her sleeping with a blanket. Newsflash: when you were a baby, you survived being put to bed with a blanket, and on your tummy no less.

4. I hate to break it to you, but your baby, no matter how carefully you handle her, is going to end up with bumps and bruises in her lifetime. Get over it. Don’t act like it’s a life-threatening injury unless it truly is. A scratch on the face will heal. I’ve seen it happen. And no matter what you want to believe, my six-month old did not do it intentionally.

5. The breast milk storage guide is just that, a guide. I would hope that being childcare givers, our daycare center is aware of the guidelines. There’s no need for you to tape them all over the damn place, they just get in the way. The intent of this information is to keep help you identify spoiled milk. It’s not because the product will suddenly mutate and become lethal.

6. If you want your child to have one-on-one 24/7 attention, hire a nanny. 10 kids and 3 teachers means that at any given moment, a maximum of six babies are being held. Therefore, at some point during the day, they have to put your child down, even though she’s not sleeping. Her needs are being met, really, they are. If you don’t trust this, then perhaps daycare is not a good option for you. I can only imagine how much you’d freak if the school only gave our class the state required 5-to-1 ratio.

Thank you for your cooperation,

Another first-time parent


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