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*sigh*

June 26, 2006

I’m really struggling today. I woke up this morning and realized that I only have two weeks left of my paid maternity leave and that just depressed me. I’m not ready to leave my baby yet. I can barely get in the shower for 10 minutes without missing her.

I’m frustrated because as much as I love the job at the club, I got a raw deal. When I took it back in October, not only did I not know I was pregnant, but I really thought that it was a chance for me to get out of the packaging world once and for all. On paper, it all looked great, considering the position I was in at the time, and the sacrifices that I made in order to do it (regular hours, regular pay, benefits…) were all feasible, not to mention that there were a bunch of, “this will be changing for the better” promises came with it. But then everything changed, and I still seem to be getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

It’s been a year since I started working out there; eight months as a full-time employee. The only thing that seems to be consistent day-to-day is a bunch of empty promises from a backstabbing bitch. As it stands right now, I’m not even sure that I’ll be getting the paycheck I have coming to me this week…she’s that bad about coming through on the things she says she’ll do for me.

To top it all off, I’ve been talking to a few of the people in the department, and since I left (two weeks ago), three people have already quit because I’m not there. That makes me feel great, but what does that say about the person that took over? Well…I dare not elaborate here, but let’s just say that I hope she’s gone soon. She makes everyone’s life miserable…mine especially. In hindsight, I’m really kicking myself for the choice that I made, although I can’t say that I would have been happy staying at the plastic bag gig just for the benefits and six weeks paid leave. It just makes me so angry — especially because I never imagined in my life that I would be a single parent; I always assumed that if I ever had kids, I would be the stay at home mom type. Life doesn’t always go our way though. It doesn’t change the fact that I am so glad to have my daughter and I will do anything to make sure she has a great life. Well, not anything — I won’t be stripping or anything like that to earn a living to pay the bills.

Anyway, I just left a long, tear-filled message for the GM in hopes that I’ll get some concrete answers. While I wait, it’s job-hunt city for me. At the worst, my mom has offered for me to come home with them in two weeks to work for her and my dad while they are out of town on another job. If I had to decide today, I would take her up on the offer. It would mean an extra two months with my daughter, as well as the chance to visit my sister and my new niece (who is still waiting to make her grand entrance, as of this morning). We’ll see.

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