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Is that coal in my stocking?

December 23, 2005

I am having the worst day. All I want to do is get out of town and see my family. That’s all. I’ve had everything ready to go for two days now, and I’m just waiting out the hours until it’s time for me to leave.

Last night, I could barely sleep because my mind was overrun with all of the thoughts going through my heart and my head. My brain kept vascillating between thoughts of the looks on my parents faces when I show up on Sunday (my mom still has no clue, even though I did slip up with her on the phone a bit ago, I don’t think she caught it), and wishing that Kevin and I had managed to figure out how to be friends without all the drama. While I do shoulder some of the blame, I have to keep reminding myself that he wasn’t the greatest of friends and that I’m better off without him in my life. I’m still struggling to let go, haunted by the memories of our good times together that have come almost daily in the past few weeks.

I woke up at 2:30, starving and restless, so I got up, made myself some tamales (the ones I finally got) and watched Sex in the City for an hour before getting back in bed. I finally managed to fall asleep, and awoke this morning and finished packing and everything I had to do before leaving to pick up my rental car.

It didn’t seem like it would be that much of a hassle, I had made my reservation and drove in circles before finally finding the place, and when I got there, it was some tiny little hole-in the wall smelly place. That’s what I get for dealing with off-brand rental places. As it turns out, by adding the insurance and gas, the rental was going to be a little more than what was quoted. Now I know that the insurance thing is a total rip off, but there was once that I actually ended up needing it and was grateful that I had paid for it. No biggie I thought, I handed them my credit card and it was declined. Seems that I forgot about the automatic payment for my tollway pass that came off of it the other day, and my remaining credit line wasn’t quite enough to cover the difference. So I asked them to take off the gas and insurance and run it again and they told me that they couldn’t run my card again for 24 hours. What a bunch of hooey. So I stormed out of there and spent the rest of my day getting rental quotes from every car rental company in the south metro area that had cars available to rent. Two days before Christmas, good luck with that. Three hours later, I finally found one, but the car won’t be in until 4pm, so I am now killing time waiting for them to call me to go pick it up.

So now I am stressed to the max and just hoping that everything will work out okay. I laid down and took a nap and then went to check my mail since I forgot to get it yesterday. There was nothing in there but one lone envelope, a Christmas card, which the thought of cheered me up. Until I flipped it over and saw the return address: Brownlee. Oroville, California. My ex in-laws.

I immediately started shaking as I tried to open the envelope. It was so sweet of them to keep me on their list this year. I had been thinking of my ex mother-in-law as last week was her birthday, but I didn’t expect that they have been thinking of me. As I read the card, tears came flooding down my face. They said they think of me often and still love me very much. I had to call my mom to calm me down. Even though it was a nice guesture, all it did was remind me of everything I’ve lost since last year.

I know that so many people have nightmarish in-laws, but I was so lucky. I got along with them so great from day one and loved them just as much as my own parents. We always had a great time together and I always looked forward to spending time with the two of them. It broke my heart to tell them that my ex and I had broken up and to say goodbye to them. I suppose that if I can handle it, I will call them this weekend to wish them a Merry Christmas. I just don’t know that I can. At least I’ll be with my family this year, and that is all I want for Christmas.

Hope everyone has a great holiday and I hope that I get out of here soon!

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