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October 18, 2005

For those of you that watched Ellen last week, you’ll know what that means. For those of you that didn’t, I’ll let you in on the secret. It’s Ellen’s new acronym for “Everything’s Gonna Be OK.” I’ve decided to make it my mantra.

Sometimes, the best therapy is listening to your friends and what they are going through in their own lives. This summer, my best friend came up to visit, and she shared a shocking revelation about her marriage that made me feel so much more normal about what led to the demise of mine. I’ve also been recently re-connecting with a friend that is the wife of one of the couples we hung out with when I was married. She is an ex-coworker of my ex, and they moved to Boston last year. They are going through some similar things that my ex and I went through, and I am helping her to cope with it. I think that between the two of them, I’m able to draw some closure on some of my same issues. I keep telling them both that they will get through it and that everything will be fine.

I think back to a year ago, my ex had just moved out, we were still getting along and spending time together, the holidays were upon us, and I was traveling like crazy. I was in a different city every weekend, for work, for pleasure, you name it. The idea of having to spend the holidays alone was sublimely depressing. My family did everything they could to try and help me come visit, but I was broke and they weren’t much better off. I spent Thanksgiving with Julia and her brother, and it was nice not to be alone, even though I missed getting to cook dinner. The next day, I invited my ex over to sign the divorce papers. We sat up talking until really late, making sure that this was what we really wanted. I felt we were throwing in the towel too soon, but his mind was already made up. That weekend, I had to convince myself that everything would be okay.

December was even more difficult for me, as my ex told me in no uncertain terms that it was really over, I had my falling out with Kevin, I dropped the bomb to Julia that I was moving, I ran into my ex and his girlfriend making out like teenagers at lunch one day, I was living with the psycho roommate from hell, I dropped the bomb on my ex’s girlfriend’s boyfriend what was really going on, and, for the first time in my life, I awoke Christmas morning completely alone. I don’t know if it was the circumstances that made it miserable, or just being alone that made it miserable, but it was a really hard day for me. I cried all day long. I have never in my life felt so alone, and yet I told myself that everything would be okay. I made it through that day, and the next three months somehow, and I packed up the moving truck and got the hell out of dodge.

My new adventure began, and another nightmare came along with it, the renter situation (which, to date, STILL isn’t resolved), and I thought I was going to lose it. Reminding myself that everything would be okay is the only thing that got me through it. Dealing with the stress of the divorce was hard enough, the stress that this new problem brought pulled me right to the edge. But I’ve managed and I’ve gotten through. I still believe that it’s all going to be okay in the end.

It’s believing that I will always come out on top that has pulled me through the turmoil that I have endured the past year and a half, so I’m a true believer in Ellen’s new phrase. EGBOK. Really. It is.


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