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Are the Darwin Award nominations coming up?

August 24, 2005

Well the day has started off with a bang. It makes me mad because yesterday was so good. I had a good day at work, I booked another photo gig for Monday, and I had fun last night.

Salsa lessons last night were a lot of fun. Problem was, even though there was an abundance of male partners, most of them had two (I swear some even had three) left feet. Or the ones that didn’t, couldn’t lead to save their lives. Not to say that I am any sort of salsa expert, but one guy that I got paired with complimented me on how well I followed his lead, so I know it couldn’t have been all me.

I had a restless sleep; it was one of those nights where it was hot enough to sweat like a hog but not so hot that turning on a fan or a/c would have accomplished much. So I wasn’t in a stellar mood when I awoke this morning, although I did get another early start (which allowed me to bust the bagel cops again). But the way the day is starting off, I’ve decided that the general population is comprised of morons. Not that this is any huge revelation for me, but it’s more or less sealed the deal.

As I commuted with the hoardes of back-to-school traffic, I encountered a variety of idiot morons that seem to forget what the words “right of way” mean when they get up in the morning. Here are the following potential accidents I encountered on my way to work:

  • a lady who failed to yield while exiting the freeway ramp and about took off my passenger side mirror and front end.
  • a guy on a bike who decided to cross traffic against the light with oncoming traffic. Both I and the cop in the lane next to me about nailed him, both of us travelling at about 30 mph.
  • a guy that decided that making a left turn out of the school driveway with oncoming traffic in both directions didn’t apply to him. I wanted to hit him just for his stupidity. Instead, I screamed and told him he was number one.
  • a lady that decided that a prairie dog’s life was more valuable than her rear bumper, who slammed on her brakes in 40 mph traffic to let the little fella cross, thus leaving me and the three cars behind me locking up our brakes to avoid hitting her.
  • a lady that decided that red means slow down and take the turn on two wheels, nevermind the traffic coming at you from the other direction, they’ll just stop in the middle of the intersection and let you go.

My ex used to say that it was me being a bad driver that had all of these near misses all the time, but seriously, when I have the right of way (which I did), how can it all be a product of me being a bad driver? I just thank god for good reflexes.

I arrived at work this morning to an e-mail from my ex-tenants. Apparently, they are now mad that I’ve pursued collecting on them. They called me greedy and cruel. Last I checked, allowing someone to live in your home, rent free, for three months was pretty damn generous. What a couple of fucking idiots.

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