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You are getting sleepy

August 16, 2005

So I tried to post this earlier and my computer crashed, and I wasn’t able to recover the post…so here I go again.

I haven’t talked about how the whole hypnotherapy thing is going, so I decided I’d update you guys. It’s going really well.

Now I know that when people think of hypnotists, they think of the whole circus act thing with the watch and clucking like a chicken, OR they think of Office Space and how the main character gets stuck in a trance when the hypnotherapist dies in the middle of the session. It’s not like that at all, I swear.

Until Friday, to put me under, she has used the same method on me. I lay down and envision being bathed in golden sun while she puts essential oils on my feet and neck and then she does this muscle test thing on my arm. The best way to describe it is that I raise my forearm up with my elbow still on the table and make that whole “walk like an egyptian” form with my wrist. Then she presses on the back of my hand with short pulses until I go under. Physiologically, I cannot figure out how this works, even after reading about it. I think that she also uses certain tonalities to do it as well because when she speaks to me while she’s putting me under or bringing me out, her voice has a completely different intonation than when she’s speaking to me normally.

Prior to going under, we talk about what it is that I want to focus on and then go from there. She asks me to personify the part of me that we are looking at, whether it be fear, anger, guilt, courage, whatever. What’s weird is that my dream-like state turns my whole world into this animated stick-figure world. It’s strange, but effective. I always start by walking down a hallway and opening a door and stepping inside to see who is in there. The part of me that I am visiting is always in a different place in the room, and she’s always a different age. It’s so weird.

The closest thing that I have gotten to clucking like a chicken is the “nervous tic” she gave me on Friday. Because I envisioned my fear of standing up for myself as a little girl cowering in the corner, she asked me to have my higher self bring her out and comfort her. The only time the little girl felt strength was when my higher self held her hand. So to summon the strength to find courage to speak my mind, she told me to touch my left thumb and forefinger together when in my waking state. I found myself compulsively doing this last night as I made a call to let someone know what was on my mind. Maybe once I learn to do it on my own, I can have her take that away. I don’t want a tic.

Friday was the only day that I left and didn’t feel refreshed and confident when I left. I don’t think she really got to the root of my confidence factor. We were kind of in a hurry, because I had spent so long talking about my issues that I only got about 20 minutes of subconscious time, as I like to call it. In order for this to work, you have to open your mind and free all conscious thoughts, and I couldn’t do it that quickly. I tried, but I was thinking about all the stuff that I had to do when I left there that I couldn’t let go all the way.

I definitely feel that I’m able to hesitate a little less in opening my mouth to speak, but it didn’t help me get all the words out, nor did the ones that came make any sense. But they came, and I at least tried, thumb and forefinger held in place, they came out. I am one step closer than I was two weeks ago.

If anything, she has helped me to be okay with looking for what is in my highest good, and acting accordingly. I have always resisted being the person that pushes for what I really want because I would rather see everyone else happy than myself. I guess I’m a utilitarian (couldn’t remember that word on Friday) by nature. I’m learning that it’s not always good for me to be like that because in the end, I’m not happy. And while we may not always be happy, we still need to strive to find happiness.

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