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It’s been one very long week

May 20, 2005

But I survived. Somehow. Thanks to borrowing the iron strength of Julia and my mom, as well as a quick call to Umby yesterday afternoon after a major downpour…both outside my car and on my face, I managed to feel a lot better about the events of the week.

I arrived Monday night, after having spent the entire day at the airport. In one of my never-ending strokes of genius, I decided to try and get on the earlier flight to Seattle so I’d have all afternoon to take care of things. I should have called, but didn’t. I didn’t expect the flight to be full. I didn’t get on the flight, and the next one wasn’t for six hours. So I sat at the airport, waiting, reading, and hobbling around on my crutches. I did finish East of Eden, finally, and it was great. I won’t spoil the end for anyone that wishes to read it, but I didn’t like the way it ended. I also finished the other book I was reading, Can You Keep a Secret?, which was hilarious. I actually picked up Sophie Kinsella’s first book, Confessions of a Shopaholic, at an airport after having finished a book mid-travel. Her style is so different, but keeps me laughing the whole way through.

I raced to get to the game, and met up with Julia, just in time to see the M’s start losing to the Yankees. Boo!! The crazy Tim McGraw guy I met at Stampede called me again, this time, pretending he’d lost my number. I’m not going to call you dude!!

Meeting up with the ex wasn’t what I expected it to be. It was worse. I wasn’t comfortable swinging by his office, because I didn’t want to see her, her car, nothing. So I called and asked him to meet me outside the Starbucks up the road. Thirty minutes later, he still hadn’t shown and his phone was off. When I finally got through to him, he told me he was at work. I begrudgingly met him there, and when I saw him, I wanted to be sick. I gave him the things I had brought, and started to say a few things to him that have been on my mind. Instead, I started crying, hopped back in the car, pulled away, nearly hitting him in the process, and drove away. It took me 20 minutes to compose myself around the corner. Then later that afternoon, I saw them heading off to lunch as I returned to the office, and I got upset all over again. One thing is for sure: I’m glad I moved and I am never moving back (yes Julia, I said never. I’m sorry. :( ).

He chose to respond to my words with an e-mail that I picked up the next day, basically saying what he’s been saying for the past nine months: “I don’t know what you expect me to say.” I told him how I couldn’t even stand to look at him any more, and that it bothered me to have found out that the relationship was “official” third hand. I told him I was done with him, no more of this pretending to be friends crap, because it just isn’t working. That incited a long diatribe which he shows that somehow, he still doesn’t get how he hurt me. He actually said, “But here’s what I wonder: who is the person who is still angry and fired up a month after the fucking divorce is final, nine months after we split up? Seriously, how long are you going to torture yourself? Let me go. Let all of that go. You know that this is better for both of us, and if you don’t believe that, you’re in denial.” What angers me is that despite the fact that the breakup was a good thing, the manner in which it happened has not hurt any less. So for him to think that I’m just going to wake up one day and be over it is just kicking me when I’m already down. So I’m done there, no more contact, even for the few ties we still have, I refuse to talk to him at all. Both my mom and Julia reminded me that I’m better off now and happier overall, so I needed to begin working on healing and moving on. That was the highlight of my week. That is, until I got home.

I got to work Tuesday and things with James went better than expected. I greeted him with a smile, and I was super nice to him when I asked for what he owed me. My boss picked up on it and gave me crap and said my acting was horrible.

Tuesday night, we met up with Julia’s ex (not Justin), who I have not liked since he broke her heart, so he could return some stuff to her. That went well, but I didn’t get out of the car, or I’m sure I would have had a few choice words for him. Plus, we are both still mad that he has not returned the cookbook I had given her for her birthday a few years ago.

Wednesday, Julia, Randi and I went to dinner for an early celebration of Randi’s birthday. It was nice to spend time just talking with the two of them. I was late because I had gone to see my renters, and that went well. So with any luck, I’ll be back on track here in the next few weeks. They were really nice and I felt good about having them in my house. Now if they could just pay the rent, I’d be fantastic.

Thursday night, we went to E9 and had a blast. We got a little crazy, but it was fun, nonetheless.

My trade show went well. I got a lot of good leads, which means that maybe, hopefully, I won’t get another $59 commission check in the future. I also got to spend some quality time with my boss, telling him my goals and whatnot, so that he knows where I’d like to go in the company. I’m still debating on whether or not I want to stay with the company and in this business, but for now, I am going to stick it out.

Sunshine was supposed to check my mail because not only was I expecting Seinfeld Season 4 and I finally got around to using my Sephora gift card that Julia gave me at Christmas, so I was expecting my package from them, but I was hoping to have some money in there as well. I had communicated this to her, but in all of her never-ending selfishness, she forgot. And she has my only mail key. And she’s out of town. I was able to borrow the master key from the office, but I can’t do that for long, and I’m not paying for them to cut me a new copy.

I also learned of some things that my friend turned ex-friend turned friend again said about me, and needless to say, they hurt. They hurt enough that I’m not even going to repeat them. So he’s become my ex friend again, but this time, for good. I’m tired of him hurting me, it’s not worth it anymore.

So I’m an emotional wreck right now. I’ve spent the entire day witholding a tearful outburst, and let it all out the minute I got home.

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