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Starting to see the light

May 6, 2005

Things are starting to get better for me, I’m going out, I’m doing stuff, having fun. I’ve stopped wallowing in self pity, I spend fewer nights going around and around in my head with all the things that went wrong in my marriage and was there any way to save it, really? The funny thing is, when my ex tried to leave four years ago, I begged him to stay, let’s work things out, let’s try harder. I admit a small part of me wished that it would have failed then. So then why is it that when it was for real, it was so hard?

I’m going back to Seattle in just over a week and I’m looking forward to it. I am really happy here in Denver, but I am looking forward to visiting w/ everyone, etc. Julia and I are planning some fun stuff, Mariners game, E9, just hanging out and having a good time. Even though I have to work too, it shouldn’t be bad. I will have to confront James though, and I’m not looking forward to that.

I started this post on Friday, and I’m just now getting around to finishing it.

I had a little accident on Friday night while we were at Lodo’s…it seems that every time I go there, I get sick, but this time, I got hurt. As I was coming down the stairs, I tripped and fell and twisted my ankle up real bad. I didn’t think anything of it until the next morning when I woke up in excruciating pain. I was going to tough it out, but my mom told me to go to the ER and have it looked at and x-rayed. I’m glad I did. I have a severe sprain; may have torn some ligaments, but for now, I’m just supposed to stay off of it. That is proving to be tough. I keep telling myself that the good side of it is that my arms, back, abs, and one ass cheek are going to be looking awesome within the next week.

So like I said, staying off of it has been tough. Saturday night, I went with some friends to a fundraiser for the Make-a-Wish foundation. It was fun, but by the end of the night, I was in a lot of pain and just wanted to go home, and everyone wanted to stay out and party.

So I drugged up and spent most of yesterday unconscious having bizarre dreams.


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