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Leaving the family too?

April 6, 2005

Julia and I chatted today about what happens when you’ve been accepted by your guy’s family, and then you break up. We both have experienced this in recent history, and it makes me wonder, is it really okay to stay in touch with the family? I had a great relationship with my ex’s family.

My ex-mother-in-law is an amazing woman. I love her as much (if not more, at times) as my own mother. We were very close and I always enjoyed spending time talking with her. It wasn’t long before I felt comfortable talking with her even when my ex was not around. So when we broke up, I was torn, trying to decide if it would still be okay to stay in touch with his parents. After all, just because my relationship with him soured, didn’t mean that my relationship with them had to die too.

I had fully planned on it until he made some choices that I disagreed with, and out of anger, I told them I was cutting all ties for good. I haven’t spoken to them since, but I still think about them every day and wonder how his mom is doing. I fight the urge to call, out of fear on how I will be received. They have been going through some trying times recently, and our divorce only added to the mix.

By doing that though, aren’t I opening myself up for the awkwardness of hearing things I don’t want to hear? What happens when he decides to remarry or move in with the black widow, and I learn of it through my relationship with his parents? And what if he’s not okay with it? What then? Who gets final say on what’s okay?

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