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Accepting Reality

March 26, 2005

I think it’s important to know that I’m divorced because my husband cheated on me. It’s a very long story, but in the end, he fell in love with another woman (a friend of ours), and told me that if given the choice, he would pick her. Not exacly what anyone ever hopes to hear; that your husband would rather be with someone else and not you.

Their relationship has been off and on, partly because he was still married to me, partly because she was still living with her boyfriend of five years, who had no clue of the situation for over six months, and partly because they work together and don’t want people to talk. However, thanks to the sophomoric prank I pulled in December, the latter became unavoidable.

So despite the fact that every time he tells me something and I quickly learn it isn’t true, (his defense is, “things changed”) I am still surprised to learn that they are, once again, on. And, as always, it hurts me.

It’s not so much that he’s dating again; after all, I have begun dating as well. I would love to know he’s dating, that would mean he’s grown some balls. It’s the fact that he’s dating her. This girl is an awful person, a known heartbreaker as well as a seasoned home wrecker (I learned all of this after we split up, otherwise there’s no way in hell the four of us would have been as close as we were.) and yet he so blindly thinks that he’s special, and he won’t get hurt. It kills me. It kills me because despite how much he’s hurt me and how wrong we were for each other, I still love and want the best for him. I just can’t accept the fact that they will be together — at least until she finds someone else again and breaks his heart.

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